Lustful Thoughts

My mind keeps wandering back to a man I just met. He is kind and gentle and yet has a fiercely poetic side. He so intrigues me that even now I think of him when I am with my own lover. I never look anyone in the eye because to do so is to see their soul and yet when I speak with him, I find myself trying desperately to catch his eye. I want to know this man and yet I don't understand why I want to know him. Perhaps it is because he wears his illness for all to see where I hide my illness behind closed doors. Maybe I want to learn from him. I really do not know why but I think of him often and I crave the conversations we have together. It bothers me to no end that this man gets under my skin with out even trying. I am not even sure I register on his radar the way he does on mine. What bothers me even more is that I have a boyfriend of 3 years and yet I keep looking for this other man's attentions. I am frustrated and have to share this strange lustful, mental frustration with the world.

S.